My Subconcious Rebellion Against Support

Today while talking about feelings with my wife, I came to understand myself a little better.

For a long time I’ve had a strong, negative reaction to words of reassurance or support. I’ve often felt like they’re not helpful or constructive when I am having a difficult time with something. It’s been more of an issue in the last few months because I’m studying maths at a level I’ve never really got close to before and it’s been a lot harder than I expected.

I started thinking and describing how it felt, and came up with this.

Being reassured that I am capable of something makes me feel like the person doesn’t understand what I am going through, how difficult it is for me. It feels like they are minimizing the amount of effort it takes for me to work through this thing, reducing it to a simple ‘you can do it’ rather than being aware that I have tens if not hundreds of hours ahead of me to ‘do’ it.

So I have this subconcious belief that support isn’t “real” support if the person offering it doesn’t appear to understand the level of difficulty I’m faced with.

I don’t know what to do about this realisation yet, if it is correct anyway, but it does make it more helpful when discussing how I feel about things. Short term we can probably manage it together, but long term I’d like to be less upset by it!

One thought on “My Subconcious Rebellion Against Support

  1. Maybe on some deeper level you don’t accept the notion that you are really capable of “doing it” and hence reject any external input to the contrary on the basis that it does not match your perceptual reality. On the other hand it also takes a skillful individual to offer reassurance in a way that is thoughtful and considerate rather than reducing the dimensionality of your experience to a cliche catch phrase (e.g. “you got this”)

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